Laughter's Release
by im36degrees
Summary: Originally called Return of the Fishie by yitzhaklova. Won't tell you much except its the sequel to The Real Him.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok. Decided to actually get my lazy butt going. This is the sequel to "the real him". That story was about Yitzhak and his life and whatnot and it's really confusing so if you haven't read it, go do so. Realized the first one was far too light and happy so this one might be a bit more depressing. I'm going to be emphasizing that Yitzhak and Hedwig aren't at all sure of what they actually want. I have no idea how the ending will be because it could go two ways and if I get really depressed there may even be a death. Or even three. So, yeah.

_"By the gold light of your halo I wanna nail ya  
Give you lovin' and devotion that won't ever fail ya  
Wanna run my mouth over your wounds  
And fall on the ground  
And the holes in your hands and your feet they help to nail you down..."_

Yitzhak brushed a wig, listening idly to the motel tv as yet another Tommy Gnosis hit played on the television. It was getting extremely tiring listening to the same whiny voice over and over. He wondered briefly if this had been one of the songs Tommy had stolen from Hedwig. Sure enough, Hedwig stormed into the room, looking severely pissed.

"Verdammen! That little prick's used another song!" she said angrily while adjusting her wig.

_"And your heart is left out naked and exposed  
I wish that you had left more to the eye  
And I can't find the words to say I love you  
And why and why and why and why and why ha!"_

"Where the hell did that verse come from?" Hedwig growled. "I never wrote that! He better not have some other little sonofabitch writing songs for him!"

Yitzhak sighed, knowing that Tommy was more or less damned if he did, damned if he didn't. Not that he didn't deserve to suffer. It was only recently that Hedwig had actually started to recover from Tommy's betrayal. That recovery had involved the vast improvement of Yitzhak and Hedwig's relationship in the past few months. But Yitzhak still wanted out.

There was no doubt that for once in his life, Yitzhak felt secure; however, there were things he still wanted that he could never get where he was, with Hedwig. No matter what, Yitzhak still felt a tremendous pull to be feminine. It was always on his mind how ugly and unhappy he felt looking so _masculine_. It didn't help that Hedwig always looked glamorous.

Hedwig switched off the television and sat down on the bed next to Yitzhak. The motel room was quiet for once as Schlatko was walking his baby, Phyllis was talking to a resterant manager, who the hell knew where Jacek was, and Skszp and Krzysztof were "out", in the van probably. Hedwig curled up to Yitzhak.

"It doesn't really suprise me that the little weasel used the song," she ranted. "He's so fucking obsessed with Jesus, it really was pathetic..."

It irritated Yitzhak when Hedwig went on these little rants. Though it was an improvement from keeping all her emotions pent up inside, it was quite agravating to listen to Hedwig bitch about Tommy.

"...he wears a cross on his head for chrissakes, so what if-" Hedwig stopped as they both heard a knock on the door. Hedwig yelled,

"It's alright, come in Phyllis." Nothing. "Schlatko? Jacek?" Still nothing. Hedwig got up and walked to the door. Yitzhak sat up, curious. Hedwig opened the door, and gasped. She dropped the brush she'd been holding and backed away from the door. Yitzhak leaned over to see who was at the door and froze. There stood Tommy Gnosis.

For a few moments no words were spoken.

"I came back," Tommy whispered. Hedwig stared at him, shaking her head slightly.

"No," she muttered, almost pleading, "No, no,no, you didn't, no, why, no-"

"Hedwig, please, I want to be with you again, I miss you, please?"

"Don't you understand," Hedwig whispered, "You're ruining it, no, go away."

Tommy suddenly pulled Hedwig's mouth to his, grabbing her face. Yitzhak clenched his hand, hurt filling his features. This was quickly replaced by anger. Who the hell did Tommy think he was? After all he'd done he thought he could just come back to Hedwig? Before he thought about what he was doing, Yitzhak was crossing the room. When he reached Tommy he pushed him off of Hedwig, who was shaking. He hit Tommy across the face. Yitzhak had never hit anyone, so the blow glanced off; however, the zipper on his sleeve caught Tommy's lip, cutting it. He pushed Tommy in the chest, wanting him gone, away, out. The boy staggered back,

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Tommy yelled. "Can't you see I'm talking to-"

"Who the hell are you?" Yitzhak screamed back, " 'Cause I'm her goddam husband." He shoved Tommy past the threshold and slammed the door in his face. Yitzhak heard with no small satisfaction the cry of pain as the door hit Tommy's face. He kicked it, anger still filling his head. He heard a small sob and quickly turned around. Hedwig stared at him, shaking, then collapsed.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee. so now you know the whole point of this little sequel. tommy's back in town. will yitzhak kick the crap out of him? will hedwig get together with him? WILL PHYLLIS EVER RETURN? AND WHAT _**ARE **SKSZP AND KRZYSZTOF DOING IN THE VAN?_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: THANK YOU PANDORA DE ROMANUS! I have no motivation to write until I recieve a review. So thank you so much and your review made me laugh alot.

Also, I forgot to include the disclaimer: I don't own anyone here, I don't own any songs here. I wish I owned Yitzhak or Skszp but I don't, capice?

Yitzhak helped Hedwig off the floor and placed her on the bed. She was still staring at the door as if waiting for Tommy to reappear.

"Are you okay?" he asked. It had surprised Yitzhak how defensive he had been about Hedwig. Considering he wasn't going to stay, considering what he did when she-

"No," Hedwig whispered. "I don't think I am okay. Why did he come back, whywhywhy..."

Yitzhak sighed and lay Hedwig down on the bed. He gently rubbed her back, trying to calm her down, soothe her. It was a shock to see Hedwig so upset. She usually maintained a cold, distant demeanor. Yitzhak wished he could just take away this pain she was feeling not only for her, but also for himself. He desperately didn't want Hedwig to become obsessed with Tommy again, didn't want to become the scapegoat, the one who could never measure up to Tommy. He didn't want things to be the way they were, when misery and depression were his only companions.

Yitzhak glanced down at Hedwig, seeing she was asleep. He watched her body rise and fall with her breath, enjoying the soft peace which filled her face. He got up and moved over to the door. Yitzhak wanted to make sure that Tommy had left and wasn't biding his time outside.

He opened the door slowly, then, seeing no one outside, stepped out of the motel room. There was a splattering of blood on the ground, probably from Tommy's torn lip. Yitzhak walked over to the van, knowing it contained Skszp and Krzysztof. He banged on the side door. There was a loud thud, followed by a small giggle before the door slid open. Skszp was lying there, shirt off, with Krysztof on top of him. They did not look at all chagrined to be found in this position.

"Jah, dere something you vant?" Skszp asked, idly tracing his fingers along Krysztof's sides. Krysztof shuddered and began kissing Skszp's neck, unconcerned with Yitzhak's presence.

"Yeah, just thought you'd like to know Tommy fucking Gnosis just walked into our motel room!" Yitzhak said.

"Ah," said Skszp. "Ish Miss Hedvig good?"

"No, Hedvig is not good. She freaked out," Yitzhak moaned. He was regretting his decision to discuss this with Skszp as Krysztof was a bit distracting. Skszp obviously thought so too as he nipped Krysztof's ear before replying,

"Vell, you deal vith Miss Hedvig right now, I am busy and vill be dere in a few minutes." And with that, he slammed the door shut. Yitzhak stared at it, wondering if he should bang on it again. He decided on simply saying

"Make sure you keep the van clean, Phyllis would kill you both if she knew this is where you guys _sheisse_ all the time."

Then, hearing far too many moans and exclamations for his comfort, he retreated back to the motel door. There, he found a note on the ground which he must have overlooked before.

Hedwig,

please please let me talk to you

you don't understand

i need to make things right between us

there's some stuff we need to talk about

i love you so much

meet me for lunch downtown tomorrow

Tommy

Yitzhak grit his teeth before crumpling the note and placing it in his pocket. There was no way Hedwig ever needed to see this. He stepped back into the room and, seeing that Hedwig was still sleeping, curled up next to her on the bed. She turned over and wrapped her arms around him, proving that she was actually awake. She looked at him before leaning in and kissing him. In turn, Yitzhak wrapped his arms around her, his tension retreating to the back of his mind.

After only a few minutes of kissing, Hedwig slipped Yitzhak out of his shirt and pants. In turn, Yitzhak removed Hedwig's wig, top, and skirt. Hedwig began kissing every part of Yitzhak's body. As in life, Hedwig was in control in bed and relished it. Yitzhak was entirely content to let Hedwig take control and simply enjoyed being so close with Hedwig. It was during these few intimate moments when Yitzhak actually believed that he and Hedwig could make it work. These feelings lasted roughly until the next time Yitzhak saw himself in a mirror or felt the harsh stubble on his face.

Hedwig, feeling she was being ignored, used a most effective method of getting back attention. She did something very naughty with her hands and most definitely got Yitzhak's mind back to the present. She grinned rather wickedly before resuming her kissing.

And that was when Skszp walked into the room. Yitzhak squeaked before falling off the bed. Skszp began laughing before turning around and walking back out, saying

" Krzysztof, ließ uns gehen zurück zu dem Packwagen, wir haben mehr Zeit zu spielen!" (Krzystof, lets go back to the van, we've got some more time to play!)

Hedwig giggled. "That was a mood-killer." She sat up and pulled her top back on. "Phyllis is going to be back soon anyway."

Yitzhak nodded his agreement. As he pulled on his pants, the note fluttered out of the pocket. Before he could grab it, Hedwig picked it up.

"What's th-" She froze, reading the note. Yitzhak paled.

"Hedwig, I-"

"Why the hell didn't you give this to me?" she yelled. "Nicht wissen Sie, wieviel dieses bedeutet? Sind Sie dumm?" (Don't you know how much this means? Are you stupid?)

Then, she hit Yitzhak across the face. He stumbled back, shocked. Never, _ever_ had Hedwig ever hit him. She had abused him terribly but never with such direct violence. Hedwig hit him again and again, pushing him against the wall. She was crying again, and still yelling,

"This is for me! He wrote this for _me_ to read! Why did you take it?"

She slammed him into the wall again before turning and exiting the motel room, leaving Yitzhak crumpled on the floor. He pulled himself onto the bed, his body aching from the abuse. Yitzhak felt like crying, but tried to hold it in, didn't want to feel the tears. He decided to do the only thing he could that made him feel better. He stepped into the bathroom, nervous that Hedwig would return. He closed the door behind him and unzipped the makeup bag lying on the sink. He stared at the contents for a moment before taking out a small tube of lipstick. He tried to concentrate only on the makeup, on the feel of lipstick on his lips. Smear, rub, smear, rub.

Yitzhak took a deep breath, trying to ignore the hurt. Then, he stared at the mirror. What stared back was, to Yitzhak's eyes, a stupid, ugly man wearing too much lipstick. The tube of lipstick shook in his hands, and the mirror was briefly blurred by his tears. In disgust, Yitzhak shoved the lipstick back in the bag and roughly rubbed the lipstick off. He didn't want to be in the motel room, with its plethora of wigs and other feminine objects. He needed to go somewhere else.

Skszp pushed Krzysztof onto the floor, staring lovingly at the adorable face beneath him for a few seconds before attacking him with kisses. Krzysztof brought him to life as no one else did. That was why he was rather peeved to hear banging on the side of the van for the second time that afternoon.

" Nicht können wir ein wenig Privatleben erhalten?" (Can't we get a little privacy?) When there was no response, Skszp was a little concerned. He slid open the van door to reveal Yitzhak. He looked disheveled and there was a bruise forming on the side of his face. He sat up and asked,

"Guter gott, vhat happened?"

Yitzhak climbed into the van and sat there, staring at the floor.

"Tommy left a note, I hid it from her. I thought- I didn't want-," he broke off, upset. Skszp looked at him incredulously,

"Vait, you mean Hedvig _hit_ you? She actually beat you for dis?" Yitzhak nodded. Skszp scowled. Not bothering to put his shirt back on, he reopened the van door and slid out slamming it behind him before walking away.

"Wait, he can't go talk to Hedwig!" said Yitzhak, panicked. "She'll hit him or kick him out, she's really wütend."

Krzysztof smiled before replying, "My geliebter vill be fine." Krzystof was not given to speaking a lot, and felt that this statement was sufficient for now.

Krzysztof then caught a glance of the bruise on the side of Yitzhak's face. He winced before touching it gently. Yitzhak too winced and wavered slightly. He was still trying to hold in the tears, but lost the battle. Tears dripped slowly down his face as he remembered Hedwig bashing him into the wall. Krzysztof sighed in sympathy and gathered Yitzhak into his arms, providing comfort, if not relief.

Skszp found Hedwig hanging down by the street corner, watching cars whizz by.

"You hit him you fucking hexe! How could you do dat to him?" he yelled. Hedwig sneered at him before replying,

"Because he hid the note from me. How could he not understand how important it is?" she snapped. "I am _not_ having this conversation with _you_."

Skszp grabbed her arm, "Vhere de hell do you come off hitting him? He cares about you, he didn't vant you to get hurt. I svear, you touch him again and Krzysztof and I vill leave, and ve'll take de rest of the band vith us."

"Cares about me?" Hedwig said, "He fucking lied to me. About Tommy, the one person who-"

"Who vhat?" Skszp demanded. "Who loves you? Don't you dare say that, do you ever vonder vhat keeps Yitzhak vith you every day, vhy he stays?" He released her arm and walked away, disgusted.

Hedwig stared after the retreating figure before whispering,

"Every fucking day I do."

A/N: Yay! A really long chapter! Enjoy. I have fallen completely in love with Krzysztof and Skszp and their relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Yay! New chapter! Also, unlike in the previous book, I am being lazy and when anyone in the band speaks their natural language, it's just going to be German because it takes far too long to find Croatian and Polish translators, etc. And please please review! Even if it's just to say "good job, keep going" or "crappy job, keep going". I need to have a review, positive or bad. Once I get one, I can whip out a chapter in a few hours. Thank you again, Pandora de Romanus, you are extremely helpful!

When Skszp returned to the van, Krzysztof was sitting with Yitzhak, who did not seem to be aware of anything. Skszp sat down next to Krzysztof. Finally, Yitzhak looked at him.

"Was Hedwig mad?" he asked. Skszp laughed bitterly and said,

"Don't vorry about her." It was then Skszp noticed the traces of red lingering around Yitzhak's mouth. He said

"Yitzhak, you've got some lipstick on your face." Yitzhak quickly rubbed it away with his sleeve, muttering,

"It's hers." Skszp raised an eyebrow, but decided to remain silent. Yitzhak paused, then asked,

"Is it alright if I sleep in the van tonight? I don't really want to go back in there."

"Jah, of course," Skszp said. Yitzhak nodded his thanks.

Despite the calm exterior, Skszp was quite worried. He cared about Yitzhak quite alot and had been so incredibly grateful when Yitzhak and Hedwig's relationship had taken a turn for the better. It had always pained him to watch Yitzhak be so abused, but whenever he'd tried to intervene, Yitzhak had frantically stopped him, begging, pleading for him not to say anything. Against his better judgement, he had remained silent. But this was too much. Something had to change.

For the third time that day, a banging was heard on the van door. Skszp groaned and leaned over to slide the door open. Jacek was standing there.

"Hey, Phyllis said ve need to practice now," Jacek said. "Also, dere's something that has got Hedvig very exited, something about Gnosis or something. And ve can't find Yitzhak, do you guys know vhere he is?"

"Jah, he's here." Skszp said, opening the door a little wider. Jacek peered in, eyes widening when he saw Yitzhak's bruised face.

"Oh mein Gott! tat hedwig dies? dieses Gottfluchweibchen!" he exclaimed. "Should we tell Phyllis?"

"No," Yitzhak interjected. "Please- just don't. It's just easier to avoid her. I don't care, just- please-"

Jacek stared at him incredulously before bowing his head and muttering,

"Whatever, practice in a few minutes." He slid the door shut and left. Skszp sighed in frustration.

"You _can't_ keep living like dis!" he snapped. "It's no good. Something has to change, okay? Promise me?"

Yitzhak looked at him briefly then shook his head. He didn't want to talk about this, didn't want to think about it anymore. But try as he might the only thing he _could_ think about was the idea of Hedwig going to see Tommy tomorrow, of the pure rage in her eyes as she slammed him against the wall, as she hit him over and over again.

A/N: so sorry this took SO long! my muse is dead and the plotline i had is dying but i'm trying to work around it. PLEASE REVIEW! once again, thank you pandora de romanus!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ok, I believe I have the plot worked out, but it is going in a completely different direction than originally planned. Though, there is always the possibility of change and I still don't know how it's going to end because there are various possibilities.

Practice that night was tense. It was clear that Jacek had informed Schlatko of what had happened to Yitzhak which meant that the entire band was sullen and furious. Whenever Hedwig sang during a song, the band members blasted sound from their various instruments, effectively drowning out her voice. Infuriatingly enough, Hedwig was hardly paying attention, her mind on tomorrow's lunch with her old love.

Yitzhak, too, was not focused on the band. He was still in shock from the beating, and was more or less trying not to think about _anything_, let alone Hedwig or Gnosis. Phyllis, who had not been informed of the current state of affairs, finally called the practice to an end, frustrated with the complete lack of progress. As the band packed up their equipment and put it in the van, Hedwig pulled Phyllis aside to tell her of her meeting with Tommy the next day. The rest of the band dispersed for the rest of the night.

Yitzhak leaned against the wall outside the resteraunt, bitter that he had to be here. Phyllis had decided that she needed to be within the vicinity of Hedwig and Tommy and furthermore decided to bring the band along with her. They had been loitering outside the entrance for around thirty minutes.

The door swung open, catching Jacek, who was leaning on the wall next to the door, in the head. Tommy hastily backed out of the doorframe, followed by Hedwig.

"No, Hedwig, it's not- I just-" Tommy stammered.

"Why can't you ever take me for me?" Hedwig pleaded, severely upset. "You said you missed me"

"I do, it's just, think about it, how bad it would be publicity-wise, I don't want to _not_ be with you, I just- you'll need to be different. Just a guy, a regular guy. The press could handle that. You could change your name back to Hansel-"

"No! I've already done this once. I won't do it again, change my name and assume a disguise! I did it for Luther, but not again, never again, please, just take me for who _I_ am."

Yitzhak had been with Hedwig for several years. Through those years, he had endured abuse, pain, and mockery. He had seen Hedwig in states of mind, angry, resentful, suicidal, indifferent, depressed. But always these states of mind had revolved around the doings of one person, Tommy Gnosis. Yitzhak was a human being. There was only so much he was going to be able to take before he just snapped. And right now, it snapped.

Yitzhak grabbed Gnosis and hit him, over and over. The skinny teen, initially shocked by the assault, quickly retaliated. Amazingly enough, no one interfered. All the band members including Hedwig were shocked by Yitzhak's actions. It couldn't be denied that Yitzhak was surprised by his actions, but he continued to pummel the rock star. Tommy was hitting back just as hard, confused but by no means afraid. Finally, Skszp grabbed Yitzhak and pulled him away from Tommy. When Tommy attempted to continue to beat Yitzhak, Krzysztof grabbed Tommy as well. But when Tommy turned and hit Krzysztof in the face, everything got ugly.

Skszp released Yitzhak, yelling " Gehen Sie von ihm Sie Mutterfucking Sohn eines Weibchens weg!"

Skszp then grabbed Tommy and began beating the tar out of him. Seeing that Yitzhak was about to throw himself back into the brawl, Schlatko grabbed him before telling Jacek to grap Tommy and Krzysztof to grab Skszp.

Finally the fighting ceased as the brawlers were subdued. Surprisingly enough, Skszp and Yitzhak's injuries were minor, the former having a black eye and the latter suffering from a split lip. Tommy Gnosis, on the other hand, was quite the worse for wear. His previously split lip was bleeding, he had a black eye, and from the way he was holding his side, it appeared he had at least one cracked rib. He also had a look of panic about him as Skszp was staring at him in a manner not unlike that of a snake about to kill a rat. Tommy whimpered before tearing loose of Jacek. He gasped in pain but still took off down the street. They watched him go, Skszp yelling,

" Unterhalt, der Sie Stück Abfall laufen läßt! Sie berühren ihn überhaupt wieder und ich töte Sie!" Silence fell on the group as they watched the retreating figure of Tommy Gnosis.

"No," Hedwig said. "No, no, no! No! You messed it up. Goddamit, Yitzhak you fucking messed it all up!" she yelled. In her rage she appeared to have forgotten the argument she and Tommy had started. Then, to the shock of all, she slapped Yitzhak, right in front of everyone. Yitzhak stared at her. For once, he was not upset, shocked, or angry. He was done.

"That's it," Yitzhak said quietly. "It's done. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm leaving." Silence greeted his words. Krzysztof caught Skszp's eyes and nodded.

"Vell then, ve're leaving too," Skszp said, putting his arm around Yitzhak's shoulders. "Anyvone else interested?"

Hedwig didn't blink as Schlatko and Jacek immediately moved to stand next to the others. She couldn't believe that this was happening, that the whole band would try and leave her. She refused to accept it. They weren't going to leave! None of them were! Especially not Yitzhak, he couldn't, he wouldn't leave. She didn't want him to, Hedwig realized. She could have said this, could have made an attempt to apologize. But she didn't. Pride sealed her mouth, and pride froze her features as the five men departed, making their way back to the hotel where they would briefly talk, pack, and leave. But pride couldn't stop the one last tear that trickled down her cheek, the last tear she would allow for a long time.

A/N: Hokay! This sounds like the end but it is not. The next chapter will most likely skip forward in time either a few months or even a year. I'm so exited about the new direction the story is going in!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you reviewers! You are a great help! Okay, said that the story was going to jump ahead, but I've decided to put in this short conversation first.

When they reached the motel, Yitzhak turned to Skszp and the others.

"Look, you guys really shouldn't have to do this, I made her pissed, so I-" he stopped when Skszp laughed shortly before saying,

"Yitzhak, this has nothing to do with _her_ being pissed at _you_. Ve're as fed up as you are." he paused briefly and sighed. "Vhat you've had to go through vith her, it vasn't fair. And to be honest, if you are going to leave, it's a gelegenheit, an opportunity, for all of us."

Yitzhak cocked his head, not understanding. Jacek grinned,

"Oh come on, Yitzhak, you know de band vould sound like shit vithout your voice." Yitzhak blushed and looked at the floor, too modest to believe what was true. "I mean, do you really think _any_ of us vant to be playing in seafood restaurants for a living? You think dat's vhy ve play music?"

"Jah," said Schlatko, "I'm tired of playing de same songs over und over. You've got de voice, we've got de instruments, we can actually do something!"

Finally, Yitzhak raised his head, he whispered, "I'll be right back, there's something I want to do." And with that he vanished into the hotel room. While the band was waiting, Skszp drew Krzysztof aside.

"He didn't hurt you did he, liebe?" he asked. Krzysztof smiled.

"Nein. But it vas nice to see you jump in dere for me," he said, wrapping his arms around Skszp's waist. Skszp smiled sheepishly,

"I got a little carried away, huh?" he muttered. Krzysztof drew Skszp closer, whispering into his ear,

"Hmm, maybe I should thank you properly later. I can be very gracious," he trailed away.

They waited with the rest of the band for Yitzhak. Finally he emerged and Jacek whistled at the transformation, causing Yitzhak to blush. Gone were the bandana, the scruffy facial hair, the oversized leather jacket. Having appropriated a wig as well as a pink tee, black leather skirt, and knee-high black boots, Yitzhak looked nothing like an unkempt roadie. He smiled nervously,

"Alright, I'm ready to leave when you guys are."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I've been sick, etc. However I _believe_ I know how the fic is going to end. It may be very surprising to you all. Once again, thank you so much for your reviews, and I realized that I did _not_ make Tommy Gnosis suffer sufficiently in the fight so to remedy that, I have rewritten part of chapter four which I'm sure any Tommy-haters will thouroughly enjoy!

_Finally the fighting ceased as the brawlers were subdued. Surprisingly enough, Skszp and Yitzhak's injuries were minor, the former having a black eye and the latter suffering from a split lip. Tommy Gnosis, on the other hand, was quite the worse for wear. His previously split lip was bleeding, he had a black eye, and from the way he was holding his side, it appeared he had at least one cracked rib. He also had a look of panic about him as Skszp was staring at him in a manner not unlike that of a snake about to kill a rat. Tommy whimpered before tearing loose of Jacek. He gasped in pain but still took off down the street. They watched him go, Skszp yelling,_

_" Unterhalt, der Sie Stück Abfall laufen läßt! Sie berühren ihn überhaupt wieder und ich töte Sie!" Silence fell on the group as they watched the retreating figure of Tommy Gnosis._

Also, I know nothing of how a band jumps from nothing to little concerts, so I had to make some stuff up.

Disclaimer: Aside from not owning the usual stuff, I don't own the song included here. It belongs to Patti Smith or someone affiliated with her, but for the sake of the story (and my inability to write a song) the character wrote it.

Yitzhak hummed nervously under his breath, pacing back and forth backstage. It was still hard to believe that he and the rest of the band were about to play in an actual performance. In the few months since leaving Hedwig, the band had experienced a long streak of luck, first being able to get small gigs at clubs, then opening for another band, and, finally, were about to perform in a small New York City concert. They had abandoned the name of Angry Inch and were styling themselves Eastern Bloc Uber Alles in regards to their common heritage. Yitzhak, though he had not taken any legal measures, was using his old name of Krystal Nacht as it fit his new persona far more than Yitzhak Sertich did.

As he turned to continue pacing, he smacked straight into Skszp.

"Gott, calm down. Ve're going to be fine! Just relax, okay?" he said, grabbing Yitzhak by the shoulders. Yitzhak nodded, then resumed pacing. Skszp sighed and returned to sit next to the rest of the band where all four men proceeded to follow Yitzhak's pacing with their heads. _Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right._

"Stop doing that!" Yitzhak snapped.

"Doing vhat?" Jacek asked with a smirk.

"Following me with your heads, it's very irritating!" Yitzhak growled.

"Jah, vell now you know how ve feel," Skszp laughed. "Now come und sit down before ve get dizzy."

Yitzhak finally obliged and, having been denied the ability to pace, decided to mentally critique his outfit over and over. Bright orange leather skirt, short but not too short, or was it? Did he look like a skank? Okay, green top, showing a little stomach but not too much or too tight, but what if it was? Tina Turner-esque wig, in fact the only wig he owned, the one he had stolen from Hedwig and knee-high black boots.

"Mein gott," he muttered to himself, "I look like a pumpkin, a big pastel pumpkin wearing boots!"

Skszp groaned, exasperated, "Gott, vill you settle down, you look fine alright?"

When Yitzhak still looked doubtful, Skszp leaned over and poked Jacek,

"Hey, Jacek, you hang out vith girls alot, Yitzhak looks good, jah? Doesn't look like a pumpkin, jah?"

Just as Jacek was about to answer, they realized they needed to get onstage immediately. There was a frantic struggle to get up and in the momentary chaos, Jacek said,

"Hell no, Yitzhak or Krystal or vhatever, you look hot. So just breathe and go sing dis song, okay?"

"Gnnnnh," was about all Yitzhak could manage as they got onto the stage. It was rather small, and the audience was comprised of a variety of last minute party-ers who looked less than hopeful about this performance. There was a smattering of half-hearted applause as well as some far too enthusiastic cheers proving that some of their audience members had enjoyed quite a bit to drink. Skszp took his place at the keyboard winking reassuringly at Yitzhak before he began. For a few seconds, all that filled the stage was the sound of the piano. Finally Yitzhak began to sing,

_Take me now, baby, here as I am  
Hold me close, try and understand  
Desire is hunger is the fire I breathe  
Love is a banquet on which we feed_

As Yitzhak's soft yet compelling voice flooded the room, the very attitude of the room began to change. An alertness filled the air, the realization that something good might be happening. The sound of drums and guitar began to infiltrate the sound, giving it depth.

_Come on now, try and understand  
The way I feel under your command  
Take my hand, come under cover  
They can't hurt you now_

_Can't hurt you know_

_Can't hurt you now_

As Yitzhak held out the last note, he gained volume, finding confidence in the song, falling into the music. He attacked it with passion,

_Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to lust  
Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to us_

_Have I doubt, baby, when I'm alone  
Love is a ring on the telephone  
Love is an angel, disguised as lust  
Here in our bed 'til the morning comes_

Come on now, try and understand  
The way I feel under your command  
Take my hand, come under cover  
They can't hurt you now

The crowd was doing more than perking up. They were actually enjoying the music. However, they could have been dead asleep on the grass and Yitzhak wouldn't have noticed. By this point, he was so far into the song he was singing, he wasn't paying attention to anything else. There was a fierce sense of triumph in him, proof that he could do this, that he could survive without being dependent on or controlled by Hedwig.

_Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to lust  
Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to us_

With love we sleep, with doubt the vicious  
circle turns, and burns  
Without you, I cannot live, forgive the yearning  
burning  
I believe in love too real to feel, take me now,  
take me now, take me now  


_Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to lust  
Because the night belongs to lovers  
Because the night belongs to us _

Yitzhak put all his feeling and power into that last note, holding it until he thought he would collapse. Gasping for breath, he slid the mike back into the stand before realizing that the crowd was actually cheering. He stared at them blankly for a second before what was happening hit him. The band members were all around him, joyous, yelling,

"Ve did it! Gott ve actually did it!"

"Suck on dis Hedvig! Ve don't need you!"

"No more Bilgewaters, jah?"

The entire band staggered offstage, drunk with happiness. Finally, they all calmed down. Given that it was only eleven, they decided to go find a place to have a few drinks before heading back to the, ugh, motel.

A/N: squee! i love miriam shor's voice and i picked this song as i thought it just seemed to fit. if you have not heard "Because the Night" by Patti Smith, I recommend you do. next chapter should be good if it goes where i'm planning on going. Also I have no idea why some chunks of the lyrics are not centering. It's driving me nuts but I can't fix it.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Ok! Sorry this chapter took so long! I was away until the 17th. Spring break, yay! And I was having some writer's block as well. I really wasn't sure if I wanted this next bit to happen or not because it might make everything confusing, but it's kind psychological in a way so here 'tis.

Yitzhak giggled as he tripped, almost falling into Jacek. The group was on its way back from drinks and was a little tipsy to say the least. However, this was less from large amounts of alcohol than pure exhileration. Finally, they reached the motel. Their better pay meant that they could afford two motel rooms instead of just one which meant that, including use of the van, everyone had space.

Skszp and Krzysztoff made their way to the van, and Schlatko headed to the room he and Jacek normally shared. Yitzhak turned to open the door to the second room and abruptly found Jacek pinning him to the wall. Yitzhak kissed Jacek lightly on the lips before they both slipped into the room. From the van, Skszp watched with some concern. Turning to Krzysztof, he muttered,

"I don't like this, liebe." He climbed into the van, sitting down next to Krzysztof. Krzysztof snuggled closer before replying,

"Don't like vhat?"

"This wenig arrangement Jacek und Yitzhak have. It's not good."

"Vhy? You like Jacek, yah?" Krzysztof asked. Skszp stretched before replying,

"Yah, but I don't think that Yitzhak is recovered from vhat he vent through vith Hedvig. I think he's avoiding dealing vith it by having this fling vith Jacek, you know?"

Krzysztof nodded.

"That might be true, but ve can't make him deal vith it, ve have to let him deal vith it in his own way, okay?"

Skszp grunted. Krzysztof poked him and said sternly,

"Kein Behinderen." Unfortunately, his idea of a stern look, instead of intimidating Skszp, simply made him chuckle before he quickly grabbed Krzysztof and pinned him down on the seat.

"Kein Behinderen! Aber nur weil Sie so adorable sind!"

A/N: It took a ridiculously long amount of time to write this ridiculously small chapter. I ended up changing the point of view as well as other details about the scenario. So sorry for the delay! Good thing about plane rides- excellent time to plot out entire course of fanfiction. Also, as you may have noticed, I changed my pen name. I am also going to change the name of this story soon as I have finally come up with a better title than "Return of the Fishie".


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I promise this will be a better chapter! I'm just really busy right now because AP tests are right around the corner and my teacher is incompetent and- ahhhhhh! And Hedwig will be in the next chapter! She is not gone...yet...

Yitzhak groaned and rolled out of Jacek's arms to glance at the clock. 11:30. He sat up and rubbed his head. He had a fairly nasty hangover and he had the sneaking suspicion that the band needed to be somewhere today though he wasn't quite sure where. He sighed then positioned himself over Jacek, planting small kisses over his face to wake him up.

He and Jacek had come to this arrangement a few weeks ago and neither one was complaining. Yitzhak was quite enjoying the benefits of an emotionally uninvolved relationship. There were no tensions or worries as neither one were any more than friends with benefits. Never mind that after sex Yitzhak felt more alone and lonely than before or that he would lay awake in bed at night, lyrics from the Origin incessantly running through his head until he cried.

Finally Jacek began to stir. He growled at Yitzhak before pinning him to the bed. Just as things were getting interesting, a knocking resounded from the door. Then, a familiar voice,

" Hey yous guys! Yitzhak, et cetera, you in there?"

Yitzhak rolled out of the bed, shoving on his discarded clothes from last night. Disheveled and unable to find his wig, he opened the door. Sure enough, Phyllis Stein stood in the doorway in all her glory. She gawked openly at him.

"_Yitzhak?" _she spluttered. "Gawd you look different. The clothes, your hair's cut off-"

"I'm not going back," Yitzhak said and attempted to slam shut the door. However, Phyllis somehow managed to wedge the majority of her body between the door and the frame.

"I'm not here to bring you _back_, " she wheezed. Yitzhak noticed that he was suffocating her and released his grip on the door. Phyllis stepped smartly out of the doorframe, straightened her sunglasses and said,

"She let me go so I figured "Eastern Bloc" or whatever your name is could use a little managing. Whaddya say?"

Yitzhak blinked and attempted to process what Phyllis had just said _really really _fast.

"Um, I'm going to go get everyone. Um, just wait with Jacek." Jacek waved sheepishly from the bed, the intimidating presense of Phyllis already working its magic. Yitzhak tore out of the room. He banged Schlatko's door as he passed it before reaching the van. He pounded on the door until a disheveled Skszp opened it.

"Phyllis!" Yitzhak gasped, out of breath. "Phyllis is here. Now."

"Vhat!"

"I know. She says Hedvig let her go or something, I don't know."

"Ve're coming."

Five minutes later, the band was assembled in front of Phyllis. She quirked an eyebrow and asked,

"So who's been managing this popsicle stand?"

Krzysztof pointed at Skszp, who pointed at Yitzhak, who pointed back at Skszp, Jacek completely lost his head and pointed at Schlatko, who indignantly pointed back at Jacek. Phyllis snorted.

"That's what I thought. How's about you let someone who knows what they're doin' take charge?" Skszp responded,

"Vell, vhat happened to being Miss Hedvig's lawyer?" Phyllis glanced down before saying,

"She's dropping the case."

"What?" the entire band exclaimed.

"I don't believe that," Yitzhak said. "She's _obsessed_ with winning that case against Tommy."

Phyllis nodded, "I know, but I think she's just gotten tired of fighting it. She's been going through some shit. You know, it would really help if you-"

"No," Yitzhak responded curtly. "I will not go see her. You don't know the whole story Phyllis so just drop it."

Phyllis flinched at the venom in Yitzhak's voice. It was true that Phyllis was comparitively clueless when it came to Hedwig and Yitzhak's relationship. She had always been able to turn a blind eye.

"Fine. So, how about the proposal?"

Skszp and Yitzhak looked at each other. Then Skszp nodded his head and said,

"Jah, ve do need a real manager."

"Cheers!" said Phyllis. And with that, she flipped open her phone and began talking very rapidly.

"Vince, I have this great band you'll love. No not that one, it's a new one, sort of..."

The band stood there awkwardly until they realized that their presense was not necessary.

"Anyvone vant to go get some food?" Jacek asked. There was a general murmur of consent, and they ambled off.

A/N: I am soooo sorry about how slow I am with this story! I have AP testing on Wednesday, but after that I should be able to be more consistent. Your reviews are my food.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sigh. Sorry for the delays. I'm on the AP crash right now. I've been systematically crying all day. It's fun. So, yeah. I'm starting to get worried about where I'm planning to take this story. I'm scared to lose the support of my reader(s). But I'm going to go with it unless I get really really really negative feedback b/c I might just be so caught up in my storyline I'm forgetting what would be realistic for the characters. Sidenote: Miram Shor was on My Name is Earl tonight (5/4/06). It was awesome.

Hedwig scribbled fiercely with a pen. The table in front of her was littered with tons of little doodles. Children of the Sun, Moon, Earth, mutilated and whole, all were sprawled out, mixed with Zeuses, Osiruses, Thors, Shivas, lizards, dinosaurs, whales with and without legs, thrust amid hurricanes, tidal waves, fiery storms, lightning. Also scattered throughout the drawings was the tattoo. _Her_ tattoo. The one she got when she figured out she loved Tommy. The one she had tried to show him the day he ran from her.

"Bumsen Sie ihn!" she screamed. She threw the piece of paper she was drawing on on the ground. As it fluttered to the floor, she stared at it blankly. It was the tattoo. One side was her face, the other...blank. It fell onto a few other sheets of paper, pictures also half drawn but instead of half of her face, they depicted half of Tommy's face, or half of Yizhak's, both also possessing blank counterparts.

"Ich kann nicht es bilden paßte!" Hedwig screamed again. She ripped off her wig and threw it. Then she threw the pen. Then, with a demonic fury, she began throwing everything she could grab, all her drawings fluttered in tiny white pieces around her, almost a metaphorical expression of her rage. When there was nothing left to throw, she shoved the heavy desk, willing it to fall over. It tipped precariously on its side, then rocked back. With that small defeat, Hedwig slowly fell to her knees. Hands shaking, she picked up the torn pages, gathering them close to her. She began to cry, but no tears fell. So immense were her emotions, it seemed, they could not slip into tears and fall away. They remained inside, to burn and hurt.

"It doesn't work," she whispered to herself. "It doesn't fit. _Ich _passe nicht. What's _wrong_? _Every_ half has a whole. That's what it says. Wer hat meine Hälfte? Which one? Who?"

She sifted through the drawings. The answers were in here. They _had_ to be. She had a half. They each had a half. One of them _had_ to be her half.

" Last time I saw you we had just split in two," she sang to herself. Both of them, each time she last saw them before they left her.

"You were looking at me. I was looking at you." Tommy's eyes. Same as her eyes. Chills when he had looked at her.

"You had a way so familiar, but I could not recognize, cause you had blood on your face; I had blood in my eyes." She didn't really see Yitzhak for so long. Tommy still couldn't see her, not all the way.

"But I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same as the one down in mine. That's the pain, cuts a straight line down through the heart; we called it love." She fixed it, though, with Yitzhak. There had been love with both of them, Tommy and Yitzhak, she had felt it. It hurt. Both times.

"So we wrapped our arms around each other, trying to shove ourselves back together. We were making love, making love." Never she and Tommy, but almost. She'd hurt Yitzhak that way too.

"It was a cold dark evening such a long time ago, when by the mighty hand of Jove, it was the sad story how we became lonely two-legged creatures." Too sad. Too much sadness. She was a lonely creature.

She sorted at random through the torn paper. She stared at two seperate pieces sitting next to each other. Words filled her head though she tried to block them out. _The story, the origin of love. That's the origin of love._

"Nein! Es ist nicht zutreffend! Es ist nicht angemessen! Was über mich? Es ist ein Lied, ein dummes Lied!" Hedwig screamed. She threw the shreds of paper away from her, frantically pushing herself away from them. She threw herself at the desk, tearing open a drawer, withdrawing a small box. Hedwig grabbed at all the paper on the floor, shoving it into the metal garbage can. When all of her work lay at the bottom of the can, she withdrew a match from the box and lit it. As she dropped it into the can, flamed flared into existence, framing the delicate drawings. Spikes of yellow flame shot up, eating away at the sheets. Hedwig leaned over and watched, oblivious to the heat wafting up. Her gaze did not waver until all the pure white paper had been turned into a pile of black charred remains.

But fire could not take away the painful thoughts that were now whirling through her head.

A/N: Yeah! This chapter rocked! I _love_ writing this angsty stuff. If you want me to put in the translations, I can. I just felt it interrupted the flow of the story. But that just might be me being silly. Just let me know.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Yay for my reviewer! I know that last chapter was quite dark but for some reason I like writing the dark stuff. Also, erased the website you mentioned in your review, EgyptianDancer, but if you could email it to me that would be great, my email's weasel.in. Anyway... so I've been going over the plot over and over in class, on the bus, in bed, while showering, basically whenever I can, and I'm sticking with what I'm doing. It may not be popular, but I feel it stays true to the characters and to the movie itself.

Skszp, Krzysztof, Schlatko, and Yitzhak simultaneously groaned in frustration as Jacek triumphantly threw down a kritische card.

"Verdammen," Skszp exclaimed. "I vould swear you are cheating! This is de fourth round you have von!"

Jacek merely nodded smugly as he collected the cards. They were all sitting in a small circle on the floor in one of the motel rooms, playing Watten. Interestingly enough, Skszp noted, though Krzysztof was comfortably settled on his lap, Yitzhak and Jacek were not even sitting next to each other. In fact, they barely ever touched each other.

Skszp still could not get over his sense of unease about their relationship. It just wasn't healthy. He cared very much about Yitzhak and hated watching him throw himself into such a meaningless relationship. The one thing he really wanted for Yitzhak was for him to find someone who would be to him what Krzysztof was to Skszp. Yitzhak, feeling Skszp's gaze on him, glanced up. Skszp quickly shifted his gaze back to the card game.

Phyllis burst into the room, completely disheveled.

"You," she wheezed, "Are not going to _believe_ what I just did!"

She paused, waiting for a reaction. The band stared at her blandly. The last time she had done something "unbelieveable", they had ended up working in a dying seafood resteraunt chain. Phyllis stamped her foot impatiently.

"Gawd, you guys are practically corpses, aren't you? We are going to be performing with someone Big."

"How big?" Yitzhak finally asked.

"Rolling Stones Artist of the Year big," Phyllis squealed. She was obviously pleased that she'd finally gotten the desired reaction. There was a noticeable increase in intrest among the group.

"How de hell could ve get vith someone dat big? Ve're novhere near dat good," Skszp interrupted. Phyllis waved away his comment with a flap of her hand.

"Well there's sort of a catch. His band is sort of- not cutting it, so they desperately need one and well, his manager knows me, so we sort of struck a bargain. Yous guys-" she waved generally at Skszp, Jacek, Krzysztoff, and Schlatko, "-would have to play his music."

"What?" Schlatko yelled. "Do jou know how long it takes to figure out how to play de songs?"

Phyllis averted her eyes and muttered, "You already know the songs."

Yitzhak stiffened. Slowly, he turned to look at Phyllis.

"What. Did. You. Say?" he asked very slowly. Phyllis gulped.

"Now yous guys remember, this is a HUGE opportunity for you, and-"

"Phyllis, who the fuck are we playing with?" Yitzhak's face was so still it could have been a painting. He knew the answer before it even left Phyllis's mouth. Knew it because he knew he could never escape.

"Tommy Gnosis."

Yitzhak let out a strangled sound and abruptly left the room. Skszp moved to go out after him, but Krzysztoff stopped him and headed out instead.

He found Yitzhak just outside the room, just standing there.

"Es ist fein," (It's okay) Krzysztoff said.

" Nein! Warum die Hölle geschieht dieses?" (No! Why the hell is this happening?) Yitzhak muttered. "She's following, I can't escape her."

"Nein, she is not. You left Hedvig, not Tommy. Dis doesn't have to have anything to do vith her."

"But- being around him- I don't know, all I'll be able to think about is how he hurt Hedwig and that will make me think of her, and-" Yitzhak's voice caught in his throat, "-and I don't want to think about her. Ever."

"Look, think of it dis vay, ve do dis, den, ve make sure ve get so famous dat no one remembers Tommy Gnosis, yah?"

Yitzhak sighed. Krzysztoff tried another approach.

"Vhat he did to Hedvig, dat has _nothing_ to do vith you. You have no reason to have to talk about dat vith him or talk to him about anything at all, okay?"

Yitzhak groaned. Then he laughed a little.

"Vhat?" Krzysztoff asked.

"I'm just thinking that, even if it comes up, we could always just ask Skszp to beat the crap out of him, right?"

Krzysztof snorted, "Yah, but remember I'll be de one telling Skszp who to beat up, he's mine."

Then they both laughed at the ridiculousness of this conversation. Yitzhak gave Krzysztoff a brief hug before they headed back in.

A/N: hmm. didn't like that one so much. but now you know where this story is going, bwahahahaha!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I feel so guilty for not updating for a while. I don't really have an excuse. I'm amazed at how long this story is getting to be. It's really taking on a life of its own.

Tommy leaned against the wall, bored out of his mind. His agent had _insisted_ that he come meet the band he was going to be performing with. He always hated meeting with other bands because there was always that irrational fear that they'd be able to tell. They'd _know_ that he wasn't really an artist, that he'd stolen his songs. He knew that this was ridiculous, that _she_ was the only one who knew, she and her band. His agent, a rather thin, nervous man named Todd, poked his head through the door and hissed,

"Come on, Phyllis'll be here any minute, and I want you to meet them!" Tommy shrugged his assent and moseyed into the room.

"So, are these guys any good?" Tommy asked. "I mean, will they be able to learn the songs as fast as we need them to?"

Todd shrugged, "Well, Phyllis certainly thought so, she seems really sure that they'll pick up the songs very quickly."

"I hope so," Tommy muttered. They sat there in awkward silence. Finally, someone knocked on the door. Todd got up and opened it.

"Phyllis, hi!" he gushed. "How _are_ you? You look amazing!" He backed away from the door, allowing Tommy to see who stood there. There was a red-haired woman who looked very strangely familiar as well as a very attractive blonde woman. No, Tommy took that back. She wasn't attractive, she was _hot_. He stood up and moved towards them. Phyllis spotted him and stuck out her hand.

"Phyllis Stein, manager, you must be Tommy. Ciao, darling, wonderful to meet you," she said at an extremely rapid rate.

"Um, hi, yeah I'm Tommy, uh great to meet you too," Tommy mumbled. There was something about this woman that just reminded him of his mother or his high school principal. It was very intimidating. He fixed his gaze on the blonde chick, intent on finding out _her_ name. But when her eyes settled on his, Christ, if looks could kill, hers could. What the fuck? He didn't even know this girl. There was no reason for her to be such a bitch. I mean, she didn't have to be a squealing fangirl, but a little politeness would have been nice! Tommy stuck out his hand and said,

"Hey, I'm Tommy, uh, so I guess we'll be working together." The girl looked at his hand, actually _clenched_ her jaw, and briefly shook it. Phyllis leaned over and said,

"Tommy, this is Yitzhak, why don't you go out and meet the rest of the band, give them the music so they can work on it." Tommy shrugged and headed out the door with, Yitzhak, trudging sullenly after him. Tommy attempted to make conversation with the sulky woman next to him.

"So, you excited about the show?" Silence. Tommy was getting pissed at this undeserved cold shoulder. Finally, they exited the building and Tommy got a good look at the band he'd be working with. He stopped dead in his tracks. This had to be a nightmare. It was _her_ band. He stared in horror at the black-haired man who'd beaten the crap out of him. The man smiled in a way that was extremely uncomforting. He gripped the Yitzhak's arm and backed into the building they'd just exited. Once the they were inside, he released her arm. She shoved him and hissed,

"Don't you _ever_ touch me again." Tommy ran his hand through his hair and exclaimed,

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm a decent enough person to tell you that _that_ band is not one you want to work with. Believe me. It's obvious you must have just recently started working with them and my advice is for you to get away from them. They're trouble."

The woman looked at him incredulously.

"You don't remember me do you?" she had a slightly deeper voice than Tommy would have thought. He shook his head, knowing he'd never met her before. She grabbed the front of his shirt.

"You should. You told her to change. She said she wouldn't. And then I beat your miserable face into the ground," she hissed vehemently. Tommy's eyes widened in horror. It seemed impossible that this girl and that man who had beaten him were one and the same. But the eyes. The eyes were the same. And if they were the same person that meant this girl wasn't a girl at all and worse, Hedwig might be here. He ripped her arm away and gasped,

"Hedwig? Is she here?"

"No."

"So she's not- I mean you're not- the band's not with her anymore, right?" A sigh of relief as Yitzhak shook her head. Hedwig wasn't here to take it all away, to reveal the truth. A pause. Then, Tommy tentatively asked,

"Do- do you know where she is right now? I'd kinda really like to talk to her." This question seemed to infuriate Yitzhak.

"Why the hell should I care where that sadistic bitch is right now? I want nothing to do with her ever!" she spat.

"What in God's name are you talking about?" Tommy queried. "Hedwig's one of the deepest, most compassionate people I've ever met." Yitzhak snorted.

"Who knows, maybe she was. But that was before you destroyed her. You can't even understand who she is now." With that, Yitzhak spun on her heel and headed towards the door. Tommy, always determined to get the last word, threw out the first thing that came into his head, then, mentally kicked himself for it.

"Hey, this new looks working a helluva lot better than your last one!" Yitzhak made a sort of choking snarling sound before crossing the threshold and slamming the door as loudly as humanely possible. Tommy smirked.

A/N: I am soo sorry for taking so long! My school life is sort of collapsing around me so I've been a little distracted. I will try so hard to get up chapters much quicker. I'm getting a laptop soon so I will be able to write more. Also, because of Tommy's viewpoint, Yitzhak is being referred to as a "she" instead of a "he".


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Um, not much to say. Exams are this week so I want to get this out beforehand. Thanks for the review! I guess that last chapter was a little confusing. If there are any clarifications that need to be made, just mention them. : )

Tommy grabbed Phyllis as she rushed by him. She and Todd were in the midst of rewiring the stage equipment for practice, both convinced they didn't need an engineer.

"Hey, Phyllis, can I ask you something real quick?" Tommy queried. Phyllis shrugged and snapped,

"Yeah just make it quick, hon, Todd's just lit his arm on fire-"

"Oh! Um, never mind. It can-"

"No don't be silly, it's just his arm. Continue." She eyed him, waiting. Tommy wasn't sure, but he thought he smelled a faint odor of smoke. He stuttered,

"Uh, well, um, I just was, um, wondering if you, ah, had a number or- or something that I could, um, reach Hedwig at?"

Phyllis eyed him for a few minutes. Then she sighed and rummaged around in her purse until she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. She scribbled down a number, shoved it in his hand and scurried away, yelling,

"For Christ's sake Todd, stop screaming! There most likely won't be any scarring!"

Tommy held the paper in his hand, the blood pounding in his ears. He slipped into his dressing room and pulled out his cell phone. Fingers shaking, he dialed the number. _Ring_. Nothing. _Ring_. Nothing. Then, on the third ring, she picked up.

"Hello?" she sounded hoarse, dead.

"Hedwig, it's m-me, Tommy." Silence. Then, a whisper,

"_Why are you calling me_?"

"I- I don't know," Tommy confessed. "I wanted to find you, I guess. Um, your band is playing with me and I was, um, talking to Yitzhak? And she said some really, ah, odd stuff about you and I- well, I don't know."

"What did he say?"

"Um, she said stuff like you being, um, a sadistic bitch and stuff, and I told her that wasn't true and why was she saying that stuff? Was there a fight or something?"

There was a very long, muffled pause. Tommy heard what he thought was a stifled sob before Hedwig replied,

"He's right. Everything he said is true," she sighed. "Tommy, I hurt Yitzhak very badly when we were together. I won't tell you how, but suffice to say I made life for him awful. It got to the point where-" her voice wavered, "where he didn't want to live anymore and _I_ did that to him. He's _never_ had a good life, he's never had a chance to be happy.

"And that's why he's left," Hedwig murmured, more to herself than Tommy, "He never was going to be free as long as I was holding him down, suffocating him." She paused and then, in a strangled voice, said, "Tom, don't call me again."

"What? But-" Tommy said, panicked.

"I keep hurting people. I'm tired. I want to do something for someone else. Start over. Just don't try to find me ever again."

"Hedwig-" Tommy interjected, but he was answered by a click and a dial tone. He quietly closed his phone. Tommy didn't know what to do. He needed guidance. With fumbling fingers, he unhooked the small cross he wore under his shirt. He hung it above his mirror and clasped his hands. Prayer was good. It helped him to calm down, to clear his mind. He began to recite a prayer, the first one that came to mind,

"_The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen._"

Tommy sighed and sat up. He watched the cross swing back and forth. There were faint sounds coming from outside, he realized. Not from the hallway, but the other door, the one that led out into the alley. He got up and moved to the door, opening it.

"Just go away, please!" a familiar voice pleaded. Tommy recognized Yitzhak's voice and, believing the comment to be directed at him, started to close the door. He stopped as he heard another voice respond.

"Don't tell me what to do you disgusting little faggot," a low voice rumbled. Tommy pushed the door open and peered out. Yitzhak was standing a few feet away from the door that led to the stage. There was a man standing in front of her, roughing her up. He looked like a basic homophobic businessman, venting some irrelevant frustration out on the nearest queer thing in sight.

"You goddam queers think you _own_ this fucking city," the man growled again. He shoved her, hard. Tommy saw that she was trembling slightly and wouldn't raise her eyes from the ground.

"Go away," Yitzhak whispered. "I didn't do anything." The man laughed and shoved her again. She slid down onto the ground and curled up, still whispering, "Goawaypleasepleasegoplease,"

The man was lifting his foot to kick her, when Tommy ran into him, shoving him backwards.

"Leave her the fuck alone," he spat. Tommy had dealt with enough homophobia himself to know how to get rid of a problem. He moved towards the man again, ready to shove him again. The man appeared to decide that the shove wasn't worth the fight and ambled off. Tommy turned to help Yitzhak off the ground but found her already up, leaning against the wall. She still looked a little shaky so he reached out to steady her. She recoiled.

"I'm fine," she muttered. She took a few deep breaths then moved to the door and slipped inside. Tommy stood there. He wasn't really expecting a thanks for what he'd done. She'd just looked so scared. He stepped through the doorway just in time to see Yitzhak lean against the wall and begin crying. He moved closer to her.

"You're not fine," he muttered. "Come on." He led her into his dressing room and sat her down in a chair.

A/N: Hmm, I was going to make this chapter much longer, but I'm going to split it in two. I like how it's going though.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: grr. i'm currently writing a book review in SIZE 10 FONT. it is the most unrewarding experience of my life. no matter how much i type it doesn't get any longer. aaaaaaaah.

Tommy looked as if he had no clue what to do. He leaned over and rubbed Yitzhak's back, trying to help her calm down. She wasn't crying so much as having a sort of panic attack. Finally, her breathing slowed and she looked at Tommy.

"Why'd you chase him away?" she asked. She looked at him distrustfully. She was suspicious of everything he did. There was no reason he should be helping her.

"Fuck, I don't know," Tommy exclaimed. "Why wouldn't I? He was hurting you. Do I need a reason to help someone?"

She shrugged in a way that seemed to imply that a person did indeed need a reason. Her eyes darted around the room until they settled on the cross necklace that was still hanging from the mirror. She glared at it.

"You're religious?" Yitzhak muttered angrily. Tommy nodded. She continued,

"How can you follow Christianity? Those people don't even think people like us should exist," she spat. Her mind was drifting back to her childhood in Croatia, to her father. "That man out there, the one you drove away, he probably wears the exact same necklace. _Nothing_ good comes from religion."

Tommy shook his head. He said,

"That's not what Christianity's about. _People_ may think that, but I don't think God does. You know, back in Kansas, here too, a lot of people hated me because I was gay. But I didn't hate them, I pitied them. Do you know why? Because most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes."

"Well I gave up on pity a long time ago," Yitzhak said. Pity had never helped her. "Sometimes anger can help you survive."

"So can faith."

They sat in silence. Yitzhak mulled over this new side of Tommy. She'd expected that religion had played _some_ role in his life given the cross on the forehead business, but she was surprised that he actually _believed_. The last experience she'd had with Christianity had been when her father had thrown her out, furious that his only son was homosexual. Needless to say, she was not at all fond of religion.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Tommy queried. She shook her head. He shrugged and said, "Alright, then I have a question for you."

Yitzhak shrugged.

"What's your name mean?" This question was so completely random that Yitzhak looked at him, expecting him to be mocking her. He looked completely serious.

"Why do you want to know?" she asked suspiciously.

"I dunno, I'm just curious. I've never heard it before."

"Oh. It's Hebrew, my majka, my mother, was Jewish. It means 'laughter'. I always wondered how that happened because my predak, my father, was so incredibly Catholic it's hard to see him agreeing to a Jewish name. Then again, its hard to see my majka sober enough to come up with a name-"

She stopped, wondering why she was explaining this all to him. He looked perfectly interested. This irritated Yitzhak. She didn't want Tommy Gnosis interested in her life at all. She wanted him to just _leave her alone_.

"Now you have to answer a question," she stated flatly. It wasn't a request. Tommy nodded. "What happened between Hedwig and you, that last time?"

It was a malicious question and she knew it. She wanted him to be hurt, offended. It would made things simpler if he disliked her. She watched, satisfied, as Tommy's face registered hurt at her blunt question. But his reply was not what she expected.

"You know, I've never really talked about it," Tommy said slowly. "I've never really had anyone I've been able to tell because, well, you know, if I told anyone I knew her then- then everyone would know what I'd done, that I'd stolen the songs."

He stood up and moved to the door. He stood there.

"It was raining that day, buckets. I'd come running in 'cause my parents were being assholes. They wanted to send me to military school to get rid of this whole "musician phase" they thought I was going through. God, I was so upset. I didn't think I could survive without music, without her."

Tommy paused, musing. He hadn't thought about that day in so long. He moved next to Yitzhak, sitting in the chair next to her.

"She was there, and she calmed me down. We talked about shit like we always did. Some girl in the next trailer over was singing that Whitney Houston song, "I will always love you", and we started talking about if love was immortal, stuff like that. God, she was so eloquent. What was it she said? She said that love 'creates something that wasn't there before' and I asked if she meant like recreation or procreation and she said, 'maybe just- creation'. I felt so bad because we always talked about love but I'd never even been able to fucking kiss her. Then she drew that cross on my forehead, and I wanted so badly to show her I loved her. I stood up-"

Tommy did that, pulling Yitzhak up with him and leading her to the center of the room, "-and I brought her to the middle of the trailer. We did the most amazing thing. It was kissing but we were breathing through each others mouths. It really felt like we were one person, one being, just like the song."

Yitzhak watched Tommy, fascinated. He seemed to almost be reliving the memory. That was why she didn't flinch as he softly traced her lips, she was entranced by what he was telling her. He continued,

"Then I said, I said 'when Eve was still inside Adam, they were in paradise, when she was seperated from him, that's when paradise was lost, and when she enters him again, paradise will be regained.' And she- she just grabbed me and said 'however you want it honey, just kiss me while we do it."

Tommy pulled Yitzhak's face to his, connecting their lips. He inhaled, drawing air out of her lungs until there was no more, then softly pushed air back into them. She inhaled, feeling this strange connection. Truly it felt as though they were one being, Children of the Sun, reunited. Tommy's arm slipped around her waist and that's when Yitzhak snapped back to reality. She remembered exactly who she was kissing. Ripping her face away from his, Yitzhak fled out the door, her heart pounding in her ears. Tommy blinked back tears, partly emeshed in memory. He whispered to no one,

"And the I pushed her away and ran."

A/N: hmmmm. let me know how you feel about this turn of events. i like it but it took some getting used to originally. Oh, and part of their conversation was inspired by a conversation between Nightcrawler and Storm in X2, I don't own it.


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